Posts Tagged ‘Connecting’

How to Create a Positive Connection

Monday, January 10th, 2011

Some readers of Beyond Dealmaking have said that, although they see the value of building relationships with their business partners, they don’t know how to get started. How do you develop a relationship with someone you may not know well or have only spoken to on the phone? Of course you cannot give complete trust to a stranger, but you can start to build trust by creating a positive connection.

Every relationship, regardless of depth, requires words, attitudes, and behavior that express fellow-feeling. Here is my top-ten list for negotiators:

  • Respect, friendliness, a sense that you like the other person as a human being, not merely as a means, or obstacle, to your end
  • Fairness in distributing and carrying out both responsibilities and benefits
  • Honest, open, and positive communication
  • Care and concern for the other’s well-being, both within and beyond the immediate transaction
  • Empathy and understanding
  • Collaborative efforts toward mutual success
  • Reciprocity, returning favors, responding to trust with trust
  • Open-mindedness, flexibility, and willingness to adapt to different ideas and to changes
  • Appropriate commitment at each stage of the relationship
  • Dependability, maintaining your understandings, and following through with your promises

This may seem to be an overwhelming list, but it’s actually the way we approach normal human relations. Think of even a casual friendship—say with a colleague or neighbor—and you will see that you instinctively follow all of these rules to some extent. You smile and say good morning; you show concern and care when he appears with his arm in a sling; if she offers you a gift of some vegetables from her garden, you share something with her some other time. This is the natural way human beings interact to create smooth and cooperative relationships.

Why then should it be less natural or intelligent to show the same positive manner toward the person on the other side of the negotiation table, whose active collaboration you are pursuing and whose cooperation you will rely on for your own success in carrying out the agreement? Simply stated, it’s not. The grave danger is becoming so focused on the deal that you forget the human being with whom you have to fashion the deal, the person who will say “yes” or “no” to the terms you propose, and the people who will implement any final agreement.

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